Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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