Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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