I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
