you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
thus making me awesome and them whores
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
