It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
