I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
