mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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