Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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