So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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