I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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