I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
