Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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