I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
