i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
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