can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
