ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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