did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
