you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
