Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize