I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
