They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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