My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
