Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.