this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.