it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.