I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question