I can tuck mytits in my pants
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
