Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
