so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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