Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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