never play flip cup with pint glasses
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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