Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
