Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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