yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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