don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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