Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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