I want to make a zoo with you.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
