can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
