I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize