oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
