I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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