the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
