I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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