she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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