im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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