well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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