btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
