Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I lost the right to judge tonight
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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