Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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