I bet he comes in French.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
