be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
