You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
