I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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