It's Friday. Sex?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
