We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
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Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
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my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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