this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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