Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
