Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
