he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
