I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
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Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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